Any explanation other than infidelity?

[Madwife]

My husband and I have been married for 19 years. He swears on our children’s lives that he has never been unfaithful. I have definitely NEVER been unfaithful. I was diagnosed through PCR swab test With HSV1 in the genital area. I am shocked beyond words. My doctor believes that this was an initial outbreak as it was quite severe. It occurred 6 days after vaginal intercourse. He had not performed oral sex for quite some time prior to that (like years). My blood test -IgG (I think) – was negative. My husbands IgG was positive for the antibody for HSV1. Is there ANY explanation other than him being unfaithful/Is it possible that he had the virus for over 20 years and just transmitted it to me? My doctor said that if I believed he was not unfaithful she would “support” me in that conclusion. (What the heck?). His doctor told me that I could have gotten it genitally from kissing him. (Which I think is just plain wrong and rather idiotic). I have made an appointment with a divorce lawyer and a counselor and am ready to leave him. I just need to know if there is any possibility other than his infidelity.

[Terri Warren]

Please do not jump to the conclusion that he was unfaithful. If he has ever, in your marriage, giving you oral sex, you could have this virus genitally from that contact and this could be the first time it has presented itself. Alternatively, you could have missed the first symptoms of an infection with the genital herpes type one or confused the symptoms with something else, like a urinary tract infection, or a yeast infection that was bad. Have you, ever in your life, received oral sex from anyone else? That could also be the source of your infection. It is also possible, the less likely, that he gave this to you through intercourse and that he has HSV one infection genitally. Has he ever had other sex partners in his life before you? they could have given him oral sex and given him genital HSV 1. There are all sorts of possibilities here that would explain this. You know in your heart of hearts if he was unfaithful. Right?

Terri

[Madwife]

Thank you. Two more questions:

As I said above, my IgG was negative for HSV1 and HSV2- I understand that means this is my first exposure. Is my understanding accurate?

His IgG was positive for HSV1.

Based on all the facts, I feel very confident that he gave it to me from vaginal intercourse last month.

Assuming I am correct, what are the chances that he had it for 26 years (the time we hve been together) without giving it to me? It seems so hard to believe that I didn’t get it during 25 years of Sex and just got it now. (The alternative seems much more plausible: that while he was married to me, he received oral sex from someone else who had it orally or had vaginal intercourse with someone else who had it and then gave it to me when we had sex 6 days before the outbreak). Help! I am miserable.

[Terri Warren]

The IgG antibody test misses 30% of HSV 1 infections so your negative may or may not be correct. If you do the test again 8 weeks down the road and your now positive, this suggests a new infection.
HSV 1 genitally sheds virus very infrequently – perhaps 15 days out of the year. Unless you happened to have sex on one of those days, if he does indeed have it genitally, you wouldn’t not become infected.

You have really jumped to so many conclusions here – that you didn’t have this before, that he has it genitally, that he received oral sex from someone else AND got infected by it, wow, that’s lots of conclusions. I feel badly for your situation, that you seem very stuck on your conclusion. There are many other options here that make far more sense to me.

Terri

[Madwife]

“Wow”- right back at you. You could have just said that it is entirely possible that I may have been unfortunate enough to have gotten it from my faithful husband who had it but didn’t know it for almost three decades- and then explained the math. That would have been great. That would have given me hope. The part where you feel sorry for me because I am allegedly “stuck” on my conclusions (i.e. you think I am crazy) is so inappropriate that it made me laugh out loud. You have empathy for people who post pictures of their genitals and who are obsessed with “catching herpes even though they have no sign or symptom (i.e. actual crazy people). I would have hoped that you could have empathy for someone who is devastated to have gotten this from her husband. Very disappointed that you responded so unprofessionally. Thank you for making me feel worse about everything.

[Terri Warren]

I’m sorry that you interpreted my comments in that way. My point was that a whole bunch of things would have had to have happened at the same time for infection to occur. AND you don’t know if your IgG test is correct because it is so poor for HSV 1.
Sometimes it is difficult to express the correct emotion via writing on the internet. I do feel badly for you situation! You are left not knowing what happened exactly here and it makes you wonder if you can trust your husband. My point to you was that you have come to the conclusion that he has been unfaithful when there are many other ways that you could be positive for HSV 1.
I do have empathy for your situation and if something that I said to you indicated otherwise, that was certainly not my intention and I apologize.

Terri

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