Depressed and Confused

[mnowebb]

Hi Terri:

Early this year, I recently found out someone I was involved in a serious relationship with (who I broke it off with) got someone pregnant a few months after we broke it off. In the past I have been vigilant with safe sex, but stupidly, with this person, we fooled around some with the withdrawal method. Since we broke it off I saw a pattern of his promiscuity and of course, the news of the unplanned pregnancy he caused with a woman I don’t know. This all caused me to freak out and go get a full STD panel. All was negative but then I realized they don’t test for Herpes, so I requested it. My gyno asked if I really wanted to do that since I show no symptoms. I said yes. He had had a cold sore one time we were together, and told me we shouldn’t have oral or kiss, so we didn’t. The HSV 1 came back negative. The HSV 2 “showed that I had been exposed” according to my gyno. I asked her if this meant I should go on antiviral drugs and let partners know. She said I didn’t need drugs as I have showed no symptoms, and that I may never show symptoms. She told me to practice safe sex and if I did have a monogamous partner eventually that I wanted to not use protection with (I would like to have a kid someday, if possible) to have that conversation then. I left feeling depressed and confused. I feel like if I do have it, it is from this person because of his womanizing but still, he frequently gets tested and told me he was fine, and I don’t think he was lying about that. I kept asking my gyno if I should tell him and others I have Herpes and she said no unless I was going to have unprotected sex and was presenting symptoms. Then I went on the internet and saw there are false positives. I am not sure what kind of test I got – Just that it was a blood test. I am on Medicaid, so I am sure it was the cheapest one. Should I request a different test or order a Western Blot? How much are those? I feel unsure if I even have it definitively because the doctor didn’t definitively diagnose me or give me meds. Sad and scared and feeling like I have no sexual future which is wrapped up in my feelings of the guy I loved being a mess who I can’t be involved with now. Please advise (just on the HSV part, lol). Thank you.

[Terri Warren]

Your OB and I could not disagree more on this subject. First of all, you need to know the value of your positive antibody test. If there is no value, find out the name of the lab that did the test, perhaps you can find it out that. Or have your doctor ask for the index value. If it is above 3.5, it is very likely that you are infected. If it is below that, then it may be a false positive. You are going to have to do some homework, but this is important and even if you have to be pleasantly pushy, you can get the information that you need. And be certain it is a type specific IgG test and not an IgM test or a combined HSV 1 and 2 test.

When your partner tells you that he has been tested, I would ask if he is certain that herpes is included in that testing. If he won’t produce test results for you, let him know that you have tested positive for HSV 2 and that you may pursue legal action if he does not produce these test results for you. Having sex with someone knowing you have herpes and not disclosing is cause for civil action in many states and criminal action in others.

If you truly are positive for HSV 2, then taking medicine daily can reduce your risk of transmitting the virus to others. Virus can be transmitted even if you have no symptoms at all.

Let’s start with getting clearer about your diagnostic testing.

Terri

[mnowebb]

HSV II IgG 10.01

That was the test result, so I guess I am infected, as it is way over 3. Unless these tests are not always accurate. I am so depressed. I have never shown any symptoms. I was responsible and tested for things frequently in the past. I am pretty sure it is this person, who I am now no longer speaking to.

I don’t feel like I have any romantic future now. I was a virgin until I was 21. I can’t believe this is happening to me. I feel stupid for trusting this person.

[Terri Warren]

Yes, a result that high does not actually need confirmation.
I’m so sorry you are sad – I understand. Have you checked to see if you were actually tested for herpes in the past? If not, it is difficult to know just how long you have had this.
Please do a lot of reading. There is a Herpes Handbook on this site for free and you may also want to purchase the Good News About the Bad News. Though things seem bleak right now, I believe in time you will feel less down about this.
You can still have sex – you will need to disclose this information prior to that, yes. You can still have babies. Having genital herpes will not shorten your life. Time will make this better but for now, let yourself feel the sadness I think. There are good medicines to reduce the risk of infecting another person. Knowing you have this will reduce the risk of infecting someone else because then there are things you can do about it whereas if you were not diagnosed, you could infect someone else without even knowing you are infected yourself. I think that would be very difficult.

You have one more question left on this subscription, please feel free to ask.

Terri

[mnowebb]

Terri:

Thank you for the kind words. I am just trying to figure out how to proceed now. Since I have been asymptomatic all this time (and only asked for the blood test because of my suspicions about someone I was involved with) is there a chance I could continue to be asymptomatic? Are there people who test positive blood wise but never have breakouts? I am worried now about what to expect.

Also – Honestly, I don’t think I am going to be sexually involved again for a long, long time. There are only a few years left in terms of my fertility – Do those books explain how to be responsible if you meet someone and want to have a child with them, but are worried about infecting them (or the child)? I think that is my biggest concern. The only reason I think about it is because there are only a few baby making years left, if that ever is an option.

And finally, as you said, there is no way to know how long I have had this, as I have never had symptoms. I highly suspect it is this one person because I used protection in other cases. I don’t speak to this person anymore for various serious reasons, this possibly being one of them. Do I contact them to tell them about my test results? I am not sure it would end in more than me being blamed or in them denying it.

Thank you again. I hope my questions are clear. I am kind of distraught right now and am going to see a therapist this afternoon for help.

[Terri Warren]

You may never have a breakout but you may start to recognize symptoms that previously you dismissed as something else.
Yes, these books explain the things you asked. And Yes you can totally have children in the future!

Its hard to know what to do about previous partners, isn’t it? If you have no previous negative herpes results on file, it might be good not to raise the issue as you cannot determine who gave what to whom at this point. Maybe you should just focus on yourself and feeling more normal. Good that you are going to talk with someone today!

We have finished your three questions for this subscription. If you have more, please feel free to renew.

Terri

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