Does anyone get past this?

[Devastated46]

So I have made the biggest mistake I can possibly imagine.

I went outside my marriage with a prostitute, had protected oral sex and brief protected vaginal sex <2 mins.
3 days later I developed a single red blister. I went and had it looked at a free sexual health clinic and the clinician thought it was prob herpes.
I am taking aciclovir and waiting on a swab test. I have had some testicular pain and massive anxiety.

I HAD a great marriage and have two awesome kids. I have enough money, a great job, and good friends.

And I did tell my wife as soon as I thought I had something in the hopes of not giving it to her.

I am utterly devastated. I can’t believe I have done something so stupid. I am planning on seeing a counselor next week.

How do I go on?
Can I possibly get my wife to forgive me?
If I give her herpes, every outbreak would be a reminder of my infidelity.
What other testing should I do?
Can I possibly keep this a secret so it does not ruin my friendships and most importantly, my relationships
With my kids?
Thank you for listening. I am so sad.

[Devastated46]

A few clarifying details:

It has been about 2 weeks since the encounter.
I have been tested for other stds and am awaiting the results.
My wife was initially understanding but as she has realized the full ramifications,
She has become less so. No real surprise.
Thank you for your thoughts.

Devastated46.

[Devastated46]

Hi Terri,

I am hoping you saw my question? I am certain you have dealt with this kind of thing
And was hoping to get your advice.

Thank you so much for what you do. This is an amazing site.

[Terri Warren]

Yes I do see it. I”m sorry you are in such a hard position. First of all, kudos to you for telling your wife. That took courage and I respect you for it and I believe she probably does too although in the face of all of this, it’s probably too early to recognize that.

Herpes does not cause testicular pain so I’m not sure what that’s all about because you did wear a condom so a urethral infection is unlikely, which could lead to a testicular infection.
This must be a fairly recent event since you do not yet have your swab test results back yet, yes? How long ago?
I would strongly strongly suggest that you go NOW and get a herpes IgG antibody test. The likelihood of acquiring HSV 2 in a single two minute long protected intercourse is really low though not impossible. But it is possible that you could have had herpes for a long time and didn’t know it. Do not wait. If you wait, you won’t be able to know if the antibody test is positive because of this encounter or you’ve had it for a long time. You can order your own IgG test online at several sites, including healthcheckusa.com.

Of course you can keep this a secret from your children and your friends – that is, if your wife doesn’t tell them. I see absolutely no benefit to be gained from involving your children. I hope no one does.

You mention a red blister – was it like a water blister? Do you know if the swab test was a culture or a PCR?

Terri

[Devastated46]

Hi Terri,

Let me give you some more info.

The swab test came back negative as did my other tests. I kind of
Expected this given how little the blister was and the fact that it had already scabbed
Over in 1 day.
Unfortunately, I was traveling and could not take the antibody test
Until I got back home, which was 2.5 weeks after the encounter.
I took acyclovir for 10+ days as treatment at the clinicians recommendation.

A few questions- if I had an intense itch on the Saturday following the wed encounter,
Then noticed a small blister on Sunday that was already scabbed over by Monday
And gone by Wednesday, could this still be herpes? Meaning, is the duration of
The outbreak explainable with hsv? Would the acyclovir cause the blister to go away
In a few days? Does this seem possible it could be an initial outbreak?

The clinician I saw said it was 50/50 but she thought the amount of blistering
Suggested maybe it was not herpes. She did think the sore looked like herpes. And she gave me the
Medicine which suggested to me she thought it was hsv.

Yesterday I went to my local std clinic and the nurse practitioner saw no signs
Of anything and suggested from my description that I prob do not have anything.
Which frankly seems a little irresponsible, as this kind of flies in the face of what I felt the symptoms and timing suggested. Given
That many people do not have symptoms at all, it seems that having mild ones would be possible.
I have been having some mild genital, mainly testicukar pain that I have read could be
My nerves adjusting to the virus. But this is a mild ache not shooting pain. Could this
Be from acyclovir? Have you had patients complaining if this type of ache?

I have taken my igg test through health check, so I will get those results soon,
Although this is only 2.5 weeks after the expected encounter.
Any thoughts you have on the above would be helpful.

Thank you!!!

[Terri Warren]

It would be unusual for a first time outbreak of genital herpes would result in a lesion that would come and be gone in a day. That just doesn’t fit well with herpes. Acyclovir does not cause testicular pain either. I have not had patients complaining of testicular pain from taking acyclovir, no.

I would strongly suggest that you stop taking acyclovir now. It can interfere with the results of the antibody test in the future.

This is your final post on this subscription. If you have other questions, feel free to renew your subscription.

Terri

[Devastated46]

Hi Terri,

I thought my first 3 posts were all the same question?
And then my follow up would constitute a 2nd question?
Basically I guess I have 2 answers from you, so I was counting that as 2 questions
– sorry to be a little careless in how I posted the questions.

Anyway, I wanted to get clarification on your latest response:

1) I had my exposure on a Wednesday night. Then Saturday morning, I had the itch and some redness on my pubic hair region,
right above the base of my penis – an area where vaginal fluids could have easily accumulated and skin likely touched/rubbed, as she
was on top. Then on Sunday, I had the small blister emerge. It was red and seemed to have some fluid, not pus. On Monday, I went to the STD clinic, and the bump had already scabbed over – maybe because I picked at it a bit on Sunday. The doctor tried to get enough fluid to test, and even though she picked at it, did not get a ton of fluid. I believe she did a culture, not a PCR, but the test came back negative. She warned me that the test might come back negative given how little fluid she got. When I asked her if it was herpes, she said 50/50 chance. On the one hand it looked like herpes, but the breakout was so mild, she thought it was less likely. So the thing I am struggling with is that she thought it looked like the infection and it was in a spot where i well could have been infected. But does the behavior/timeframe sound like it could have been an infection?

2) I have been tested on the IgG Herpes Select ELISA test and the result was negative for both 1 and 2. I was tested 2.5 weeks post exposure – I know that at 3 weeks post, 50% of the folks would test so. My question is given that I had been taking viral suppression essentially the whole 10 days leading up to the test, what percentage impact would that have? Would 25% of the people test positive that are? Or would it be something like 45% or something like 0? If I am tested at 6 weeks, I know that 70% of those with the virus would test positive? Could I wait another 3 weeks or 6 weeks total since exposure and then have the same confidence that I would be 70% likely to test positive if I have it?

3) Since one is most infectious in the first 6-12 months, and can shed virus up to 41% of the time in the first 4 months (yes I have read your book cover to cover a few times!), shouldn’t I be taking the viral suppression if I wanted to have sex with my wife. Or should i just abstain from sex and wait until the 6 week mark and then the 16 week mark, and then see if I need to be on viral suppression if I actually am positive.

4) I also have prostatitis, which i have had for over 5 years. Have you ever heard of a herpes outbreak aggravating existing prostatitis? I am thinking that this could be the source of my testicular pain?

I will definitely be signing up for more questions. Thank you for your continued help.

[Terri Warren]

But does the behavior/timeframe sound like it could have been an infection?

Yes, it could have been a herpes infection.

I don’t have an accurate answer for the questions that you ask in #2. I think if you take no more antiviral therapy at this point (beyond the 10 days), then your antibody test at 16 weeks will be accurate. I can’t speak to the accuracy of testing prior to that, really.

The answer, in my opinion, to question #3 is to not take antiviral therapy so you can get an accurate diagnosis or lack thereof. If having sex with your wife is more important, then take the medicine. But that priority seems wrong to me.

#4 No.

Terri

[Devastated46]

Hi Terri,

I found a few pics from my initial rash that I wanted to send along.

The first one is on day 1 in the morning of the outbreak, about 4 days after the exposure.

The next one is the end of that same day.

This single bump came to a hard bump, then was gone within 2 days or so. No pain, no itching, but I just couldn’t really tell if it was an ingrown hair or whether it was a bump with clear liquid.

As I said, the culture from the next day, even though the clinician tried to pick at it, came back negative. And my first IGG test came back negative.

Does this look like herpes to you at alll? or do you think it could be something else?

Thank you for your help on this!

Devastated

[Terri Warren]

It’s very difficult to say what this might be from this picture. Could it be herpes? Yes, it could be.

Terri

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