Ex Boyfriend tested positive for HSV2

[MissEducated]

I am scared right now. I do my best to be a responsible adult with my sexual health and I feel like I screwed up big time. I know that as a AA woman, my racial background puts be at higher risk for STDs. Last night my ex-boyfriend text me and said that he had just tested positive for HSV2. He and I last had sex in July 2013, it was 3 instances of condom protected sex, unprotected oral from me to him, digital sex.

He said he was screened for all STDs including HSV2 in 2012. He and I were engaged in an affair from 2010-2013. We have only had two instances of unprotected sex that was before 2012. I had not seen him in over a year in 2013 and I did have make-out sessions and digital sex with another male friend and about 3 instances of oral from me to him. I did not think I was at high risk for anything with the male friend.

The ex and I broke up officially in October of 2013 as he and his wife reconciled and she moved back into the house, where they resumed a normal sex life. I moved on to another partner from August-December. (We did not use protection early on until I demanded condoms.) I did not care about his vasectomy, I wanted to look out for my health. From January-June I went through about 5 different partners, about 1 a month. (All experiences were condom protected) unprotected oral. I demanded condoms because there were not long term relationships. Only one situation forced me to get tested for STD’s because one guy took off the condom and tried to get away with ejaculating inside me. I let him alone because he scared me.

In February 2014, I was tested for the following:

HIV
CHLAMYDIA
GONORRHEA
HEPATITIS B
SYPHILIS
PREGNANCY

All negative. I asked the doctor about Herpes and she said because she saw no lesions on the external or internal portion of my labia and cervix, the odds were low.

I am a chunky woman and often, depending on my underwear or pants, there will be an instance of chafing that causes irritated thighs and labia. I have had a blister develop on both thighs about 2 months ago but it went away through the night. I did attribute this to friction. The skin on my external labia does get irritated once a month after my period. I attribute this to the fact that I wear pads and I just assumed that my va-jay-jay need to breath.

I am scared because I have usually been in long term relationships. I did have an ex-partner who had HSV1 (2007-2008) and I was so paranoid when I found out that I would not kiss him as often or allow him to perform oral sex on me anymore. We had been sexually active for about 3 months. I washed my mouth continuously. There was a time where a I had burning on my labia and my thighs. My OB-GYN explained that I had put on more weight and my labia was irritated by the lack of oxygen and tight pants. She also told me to stop wearing panty liners.

Is my risk significantly high? Did I possibly infect him without knowing that I was infected? I am scared right now. Very scared, any advice or assistance would be great.

[Terri Warren]

I disagree with your doctor. Since you have a partner who has been diagnosed with HSV 2, you need antibody testing for HSV 2. The specific test is IgG for HSV 2. If your doctor won’t do this for you, then you can do it online for yourself. I like healthcheckusa.com. It’s really simple. But be certain you only get tested by IgG, not IgM or anything else. It is ironic that your doctor will test for all those other things and not HSV, which statistically, is the thing that you would most likely have. Eighty percent of those infected with HSV 2 are unaware that they have the infection and depending upon your age, there is almost a 50% chance you could be infected with HSV 2 as an African American woman.

So yes, you could have infected him and didn’t know it.
And he also could have a false positive, depending upon the index value associated with his test. I would ask him about that. It could be a false alarm, you never know.
Or he could have infected you if you are positive, you never know. Do you think he’s had other partners?

You have two more questions so please don’t hesitate to ask.

Terri

[MissEducated]

Based on your response, I feel like you are saying that it is official that I have HSV2. What boggles me is that he tested in 2012 and was negative and we last had sex in 2013 with condoms. I know for a fact he was my only sexual partner from 2010-July 2013.

I really thought I was careful. So the vaginal irritation I have felt and the burning sensation I attributed to chafing were actually herpes. I had been using A&D ointment on the irritated areas and it made it feel better. But know, this is solidifies things. I must have infected him. What would be the point of getting tested when its so obvious now?

[Terri Warren]

I am totally not saying that! I am saying there is a reasonable chance that you are infected. And I have no idea if the specific sensations that you have on your vagina or related to herpes or not. Please don’t jump to conclusions, though I know you are tempted to do that. It is totally not obvious! If you had sex between 2010 and 2012 and he was negative in 2012, then I think it suggests that it is less likely that you infected him.

You certainly need to be tested, Miss Educated! You are educated so you can do this and not just resolve yourself to the worst possible scenario; you will take the bull by the horns and find out for yourself what is going on. There is definitely room here for you not to be infected!

When I said herpes is the most likely thing that you would have, I’m not talking about your personally. I am talking about the general adult population, where about 1 in 6 adults in the US is infected with HSV 2. That is more prevalent than any other STI but frequently providers leave out that test. I think they do that because they don’t really know what to do with people who have positive antibody tests but no symptoms. Sometimes they don’t want to upset people, sometimes people can’t afford it, and sometimes, they don’t test because people get upset with positive results and it takes a long time to counsel them and medical schedules don’t always allow for that time. I am NOT talking about you specifically!

Please tell me you understand what I’m saying here and that you understand the value of testing.

Terri

[MissEducated]

I spoke to my ex and he said that his numbers are 1:43 and he has been screened twice. I know that numbers increase after a recent infection, does it take more than a year for HSV2 to show up, so if this is a recent infection, I could be the source from July 2013. He also said that it was a routine check and there have been no symptoms that he can think of.

[Terri Warren]

It sounds like he had some kind of titer testing done. I’ve not heard of anyone doing that very very old style testing in 20 years. The test to use to diagnosis HSV 2 infection if a type specific IgG antibody test. And for the record, herpes testing is definitely not part of any routine check. They might be part of some kind of routine STD screen, but I’m shocked there are even HSV 2 titer tests around in the US. You can feel free to pass this message along.

Are you sure it is 1.43 vs. 1:43? If it is 1.43, there is an 85% chance this is a false positive HSV 2 test as it is a very low positive. Ask him to check further. If it is 1.43, he needs a confirmatory western blot. On the other hand, if you test negative for HSV 2, and he tested negative in 2012 and he’s only had sex with you, he’s in the clear.

We’ve had our last post together on this subscription. If you need to ask more questions or post more information, you can resubscribe for either two or three new questions.

Terri

[MissEducated]

Hello Again,

His number was 1.43 and he said he was going to send me the number from the 2nd follow up test. I also spoke to my doctor office and they said they are going to perform an antigen test, not a antibody test.

I will keep you posted.

[Terri Warren]

no no no! Not an antigen test, that is NOT what you want. Unless you happen to have virus present at the time of the test, and I don’t know where they are going to do it from, it will be useless! Please, if you need another resource about what test to be done, check with ASHASTD.org. Glad to know it was 1.43, not 1:43. And again, it is a low positive and needs confirmation as there is an 85% chance it is a false positive. Please print out this article and perhaps take it with you.

Sex Transm Dis. 2005 Dec;32(12):771-7.
Herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2) Western blot confirmatory testing among men testing positive for HSV-2 using the focus enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay in a sexually transmitted disease clinic.
Golden MR1, Ashley-Morrow R, Swenson P, Hogrefe WR, Handsfield HH, Wald A.

Terri

[MissEducated]

I did speak to the nurse at my doctor’s office and they are trying to get me in for a blood test. She did say given the fact that my ex’s first test was a 1.43 and his second test came through as positive, then it is more then likely I have the virus. She believes past vaginal issues may have been overlooked and given his numbers this is not a new infection.

I feel horrible because I never knew I had HSV2.

I dated a guy in Mexico and that was my first time having unprotected sex. I saw no sores or lesions, then again he was uncircumcised. I remember a yeast infection that lasted 3 months in 2006, it was finally treated, the nurse did not screen for HSV2 because she said she looked under the microscope and it was a yeast infection.

I had another incident in 2007 when my HSV1 infected partner developed a cold sore and I did not know how many days before we had had oral sex. I do remember vaginal irritation and the doctor I went to said no, it does not look like herpes. She saw no sores or blisters, the labia was very red and irritated. She told me to stop using panty liners.

In 2010, I had sex one time with a guy in TX and I made him use a condom. The sex was rough and I stopped seeing him. I did develop a yeast infection and was told again, stop wearing panty liners. I was given A & D ointment.

I just keep thinking something was overlooked and I did this too him. To make matter worse he is married and I am feeling like the whore of Babylon. I did this to him. I feel stupid. Its my fault.

[Terri Warren]

I see you did renew with more questions. So if there is an 85% chance his test is a false positive then I’m confused as to why you believe that you have HSV 2 at this point. You had two years of sex and he was still negative in 2012, right? I do find it very difficult when an office nurse with no special expertise in herpes (that I know about), gives patients information like you have been given. He needs confirmatory testing and you need a type specific antibody test, definitely not an antigen test if you have no lesions.

You can look up this reference on PubMed (google it) and print it out to take to your appointment if you like and for your own information.

Sex Transm Dis. 2005 Dec;32(12):771-7.
Herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2) Western blot confirmatory testing among men testing positive for HSV-2 using the focus enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay in a sexually transmitted disease clinic.
Golden MR1, Ashley-Morrow R, Swenson P, Hogrefe WR, Handsfield HH, Wald A.

Terri

• This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Terri Warren.

[MissEducated]

The office just called and I am on my way to the lab. They found the correct test, the Herpes Select AB IgG. I only have to have blood drawn. I will buy more posts in the near future. As for my ex he is angry with me. He said he got tested because he had sex outside his marriage. I did not willingly endanger his life.

As I said before he and his wife reconciled in October 2013, and he was tested for standard STDs, but HSV2 was not included in the battery of test.

He was screened again this year and all test negative accept HSV2.

If I gave him HSV2, it was not intentional. I just wanted to let you know that on this cold November day, I am headed to do the educated thing.

Thank you for your support. I want you to know that I have learned from past mistakes and have done everything to be safe and healthy. This may be the little critter that slipped through.

[Terri Warren]

First of all, herpes in no ways endangers any one’s life. Second, I think you did tell me that he tested negative in 2012, so you were together having sex for two years and he was still negative, right?

And honestly, where does he get off being mad at you? When you were with him, he tested negative, not positive. And excuse me, but isn’t he the one that was married, not you? And when he reconciled with his wife in 2013, wouldn’t it have been in his best interests, and hers, that he find out about having herpes or not? Don’t you think it is his responsibility to make certain he was tested for everything before he started having sex with her again? How is that at all your fault? It is NOT. If you do have herpes, which we have no idea if you do or not, you didn’t know it and neither do 80% of those infected. It seems to me since he was the married one, he should have insisted and paid for full STD screening for you both before all of this started! I already don’t like this guy at all. It’s one thing for him to test positive for HSV 2 (whether it is accurate or not), but a whole different thing to be made at you over this! OK, so you aren’t happy that you had sex with a married man in retrospect, I get that, might have been there, done that in my lifetime, but you know you would not anything like this intentionally, if at all, and his whining about it completely makes me disrespect him. You hold you head up as you go through this process. Maybe you two do have herpes, but him being mad at you is just making two problems out of one. Don’t buy in.

And let me know how it goes, OK?

Terri

[MissEducated]

I dreamt I tested positive for both. HSV1 had an index of 15 and HSV2 was 4.5. I read the results with panic and the doctor said, this is accurate, you are infected and its your fault this happened. Crazy. But that was my dream.

I will let you know when the real results are posted.

[MissEducated]

I just talked to my ex again. He tested on 10/25 with a IGg of 1.47 and a second test of 1.25 on 11/05. I told him he needed a western blot as a final confirmatory test. I am not in the mood for the numbers game. I cannot explain why his number changed as I am not a medical practitioner. I am trying to relax and I am just trying to be mellow until I get my results.

[Terri Warren]

It is normal for the numbers to vary quite a bit compared to the control sample they are run with. I have seen these numbers vary by up to 2.0 from draw to draw, not usually that much when the results are low positives like this one is. Did you get your blood drawn? Did they say when there results would be back yet? I hope I didn’t offend you by expressing my opinion about your ex-partners attitude towards you.

Terri

• This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Terri Warren.

[MissEducated]

It has been a while for me, here are my test results:

Component Standard Range Your Value Flag
HSV 1 IGG, EIA <0.90 0.10
HSV 2 IGG, EIA <0.90 0.27
Hsv 1 IgM Negative Negative
HSV 1 TITER REFLEX Not indicated
HSV 2 IGM, QUAL Negative Negative
HSV 2 TITER REFLEX Not indicated
General Information
Collected:
11/12/2014 12:46 PM
Resulted:
11/17/2014 12:02 PM

Is it safe to assume that I am indeed negative. I last had sex this past July 2014 with condoms. Because it is now November, is this test conclusive.

ps. i told my ex, if he is positive it is not me.

[Terri Warren]

Yes, you are negative! YIPEE! I’m so glad you told him. He may want to see a copy which you can proudly give him.
Good for you for being brave and testing and doing that educated thing 😉
I’m proud of you.

Terri

[MissEducated]

Hello and Happy Holidays,

I have one final question because I had no idea that HSV1 was so common and easy to catch. I had a friendsgiving and two of the women there were experiencing a recent HSV1 outbreak. I mean, I actually saw the cold sores on their lips. They were both overcoming colds and we are all teachers. I know this school year has been stressful. They looked like their lips were healing. My issue is if they did not wash their hands and were setting the table, i.e. touching glasses and utensils, what are the odds of transference.

I did take a sip of a drink to taste a wine beverage, but it was before I noticed the cold sores. I was served a plate of good food and I ate off the silverware. Within 2 days, I facial tingling in my cheeks and around my lips. I also started feeling achy like a cold was coming on.

I just returned from NYC and I noticed on the plane, a bump developed right on the lip line. It was red and swollen, however not noticeable to all. I have smaller bumps about my lips, but they seem like hair bumps from hair growing back from waxing, and I use a lot of chap stick, which may have clogged the pores. I applied benzoyl peroxide and swelling went down. It could be a pimple, there did not seem to be a cluster of blisters.

I told a mutual friend about the dinner and she believes that I am just stressed out from the ordeal with my ex boyfriend. She also said you cannot get HSV1 from utensils because the virus can not survive. She also said, the odds of taking a sip from their glass is whether low.

I am doing my best to keep my hands washed and not share utensils with people. My lips just feel like more bumps are popping up.

Can you explain what to do to lower my chances of getting HSV1 in a non-sexual way and if it sounds like I am having a primary outbreak? I apologize for being a worry wort.

Thank you

[Terri Warren]

The chances of contracting hSV 1 in the ways that you describe are so close to zero, I would advise completely taking it off your list. I would agree with your friends that you are freaking out a little due to the situation with your previous partners. It sounds nothing like a primary outbreak to me.

The only inanimate situation that I worry about with HSV 1 is sharing lipsticks or lip gloss or chapstick because those items stay moist and have direct contact with lips. Otherwise, I don’t worry about utensils or saliva or glasses.

You can be a worry wort, it’s OK. It’s my job to reassure you.

Terri

[MissEducated]

I just found my original thread of questioning, here is what I wrote you early this morning:

Ok, I realize here I am again on this forum, especially after being tested for Herpes back in November 2014 and coming out ok, however the symptoms have prompted me to ask you a question.

I am with the same partner as I was with when my ex-boyfriend notified me about his HSV2 diagnosis. My partner and I are still using condoms religiously for penile/vaginal sex and no I have not seen any test results for him. (I know) We last had sex this Thursday and my vaginal opening was very sensitive and itchy. The sex was uncomfortable and it burned to urinate the next morning, especially near the skin around the hymen and the vaginal opening was pretty sore and swollen.

I am on the pill and close to the very end of my pack, I notice my vagina environment does change as the hormone level lowers. Last Saturday my partner and I did have sex, both oral and vaginal/penile, always with condoms, however oral sex is unprotected. The lower region did itch, but the itch has gotten worse, I have also noticed a creamy white discharge.

Coupled with the one red bump on the inner labia near the vaginal opening, its raised and red, and the discharge, the itch, is this a primary herpes infection. I am planning on going to an urgent care facility in the morning because this is frightening. All in all, I did this to myself. I swear I saw a weird white/grey nodule on his scrotum when I performed oral sex.

I will keep you posted and perhaps its time to leave this guy alone and be along for a while.

Your response was:

I cannot remember the circumstances of your previous post. I don’t remember if you had been tested negative or not. As much as herpes worries you, I am very surprised that you would be having sex with someone that has not been tested for herpes antibody. I know you know. If you have a specific bump that is tender it’s probably a good idea that you are going to an urgent care facility to have it checked out. The itching concerns me far less. Women have lots of genital itching as do men and frequently that is due to yeast or fungus that is in the area and likes very much to grow in dark moist tissue. Let me know what the urgent care facility says about your bump. If you have not yet gone, be sure that they use PCR to swab the bump if at all possible. As for the bump on his scrotum, those are common in men and it is likely a sebaceous cysts. When you post more, please fill me in a little bit on your history without going into great detail.

You have two more posts on the subscription. Please feel free to use them.

My last test result was:

Component Standard Range Your Value Flag
HSV 1 IGG, EIA <0.90 0.10
HSV 2 IGG, EIA <0.90 0.27
Hsv 1 IgM Negative Negative
HSV 1 TITER REFLEX Not indicated
HSV 2 IGM, QUAL Negative Negative
HSV 2 TITER REFLEX Not indicated
General Information
Collected:
11/12/2014 12:46 PM
Resulted:
11/17/2014 12:02 PM

Going to planned parenthood soon.

[Terri Warren]

Yes, I looked all of that up after I posted. So you were negative and now you’re having sex with someone whose status you don’t know and you have a little bump, is that correct? Are you worried you may have contracted herpes from this new partner whose status you don’t know or are you still not convinced that you were not infected from the first partner?

Terri

[MissEducated]

Perhaps from the new partner. I found an urgent care clinic that I am about to go to. I have been very religious about condom use for the penile/vaginal sex, yet we both perform unprotected oral on each other. In the past two week, the sex was a little rigorous and I blamed vaginal irritation as the culprit. Last night while inspecting with the mirror I saw the milky white discharge and the itch led me to believe, yeast infection probably brought on by PH change and friction. However, I saw a red bump that looks like it has been scratched on the right side of my inner labia and my anxiety hit the roof. I saw no other bumps anywhere, one the labia major and just that one on the labia minor.

I am going to get it check, however whatever happens its my fault.

[Terri Warren]

OK, I get it. Let me know what they think. Milky white discharge is not usually what we see with herpes, that is more of a watery discharge. What is your HSV 1 status?

Terri

[MissEducated]

Hello There,

My HSV1 Status is HSV 1 IGG, EIA <0.90 0.10.

I have just gotten back from the urgent care clinic and I met with a really competent NP who made it clear that what she was seeing was not a bump, what she saw was a raw and irritated vaginal opening with a thick discharge that was more of a grey/yellowish color. She made it clear that she sees a lot of herpes in her office and my vaginal issues paled in comparison to what she sees on a regular basis.

I was prescribed diflucan, she still did a swap, she is checking for yeast, bv, trich, gonorrhea, and chlamydia. Based on my consistent condom usage, she feels its either BV or yeast. We talked at length about herpes and though herpes is transferable even with condoms, she said my risk factor is not significant enough to warrant a test now. However, I could wait 10 more weeks to get an additional blood test.

I asked about oral transference, however, she was not able to offer actual percentages. She said that I need to assess that I am doing all I can to be safe and that I need to learn how to breath and stop thinking the worst.

I also have a gastrointestinal infection, along with an inner ear infection. I was given amoxicillin to try to kill of any bacteria that is wreaking my system. The NP threw in an extra diflucan pill just in case the amoxicillin made the vaginal irritation worse.

Right now that is all I have.

[Terri Warren]

OK well that all sounds like good news.
Be prepared for more yeast with amoxicillin for sure.
How about if you ask your partner to get tested for herpes? Remember when we talked about the high percentages of HSV 2 in African American people in the US? You were so brave to get tested and made it through all of that! You have every right to ask for him to be tested, you should not feel hesitant to ask!

Terri

[MissEducated]

I just heard from my doctor and I was diagnosed with BV. She is still awaiting test for other STDs. Out of curiosity is BV an STD? I do know that either the Amoxicillin or the Diflucan has helped immensely. Is BV associated with Herpes at all? Let me know and I will keep you posted in the next few weeks as I wait to be retested.

Thank you

[Terri Warren]

No, bacterial vaginosis is not associated with herpes and it is technically not an STD. It is an overgrowth of certain bacteria in the vagina and an undergrowth, sort of , of others. We don’t see it in women who are not sexually active but treating a partner makes no difference and it certainly can recur.

I’m glad you are doing better!

Terri

[MissEducated]

Hello Ms. Terri,

The doctor called back and said all other tests were negative. I was screened for Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, trich, BV, and yeast. Though I tested positive for BV and was put on flagyl, it took two additional weeks to get the other tests results. I was a little upset.

I broke up with my male acquaintance because he ripped into me for asking for a HSV 1 & 2 test. His anger was so frightening I thought he was going to hit me. He kept calling me an idiot and said I am ruining this relationship with dumb questions. I explained that I got tested and wanted to make sure he was good as well, especially after the diagnosis my ex received in November. His response, he should have used a condom.

I have put up with this guy’s verbal abuse for far too long. I did call the doctor back regarding my concerns and she explained that the consistent use of condoms do lower my risk my 50 percent and to come back in another 5 weeks to be tested for HIV, HSV 1 & 2, and syphilis. She made it clear that what she saw was not similar to herpes but she would do the testing to put my mind at ease.

I think I will stay single for a while. I have not had any form of sex in close to a month and I will let you know what is discovered at the end of March.

I hope I dodge a bullet. Thank you for all that you do. Take care.

[Terri Warren]

Wow, I am so very very glad you are not with him any more! What a scary guy.
Staying single for a while sounds like a plan, you probably have a little PTSD from that relationship anyway. I’ll bet your test results will be good. And be sure to ask for testing from future partners! If they get mad at being asked, they aren’t for you, right?

Terri

[Author]

Posts