HSV-2 and a (strict, careful) polyamorous relationship

[nathan827]

Hi Terri,

Thanks again for your help last week. As a reminder, I’m seeing a woman, Heidi, with HSV-2 who’s been taking Valtrex daily for a year. We’re going to start having sex with the plan to always use condoms and abstain entirely during outbreaks.

Now, a new piece of information for you: I’m actually already in a long-term sexual relationship with Susan, and we’ve mutually agreed to open up our relationship. Susan and I don’t use condoms since we’ve been monogamous, but she would use condoms with her new boyfriend (who has no STIs) and I would use them with Heidi.

1) Despite being careful, you said there was a 1-2% chance I could still contract HSV-2 from Heidi. In that case, how long until I would be contagious to pass it on to Susan through sex (without a condom)?

2) Is there any way that I could tell that I’d contracted it? Would I just have to wait for symptoms to appear or rely on regular testing?

3) How would you suggest handling testing in general? All of us have been tested, and we’d plan to get tested again before adding anyone else to our chain. But assuming the chain remains only [Heidi — Me — Susan — Susan’s Boyfriend], and Heidi is the only one with an STI, what would be reasonable in terms of a regular testing schedule to make sure I don’t contract it and pass it on (assuming I have sex once a week each with Heidi and Susan)?

4) Susan has always had a sensitive vagina, fairly easily getting UTIs, yeast infections, etc. Say I have sex with Heidi (using a condom) and don’t contract HSV-2, then the next day (showering in between) I have sex with Susan (without a condom). Is there any chance I could pass it on to her (e.g., I’m imagining the virus moving to me, laying dormant, then activating in her)?

Thanks again for your help,

Nathan

[Terri Warren]

1) Despite being careful, you said there was a 1-2% chance I could still contract HSV-2 from Heidi. In that case, how long until I would be contagious to pass it on to Susan through sex (without a condom)?

If you contracted HSV 2 from Heidi, you would be immediately possibly contagious to Susan through intercourse.

2) Is there any way that I could tell that I’d contracted it? Would I just have to wait for symptoms to appear or rely on regular testing?

Yes, exactly.

3) How would you suggest handling testing in general? All of us have been tested, and we’d plan to get tested again before adding anyone else to our chain. But assuming the chain remains only [Heidi — Me — Susan — Susan’s Boyfriend], and Heidi is the only one with an STI, what would be reasonable in terms of a regular testing schedule to make sure I don’t contract it and pass it on (assuming I have sex once a week each with Heidi and Susan)?

I don’t think it is going to work like that. Each time you have sex with Heidi there is a possibility that you could contract herpes (theoretically). So in order to be on top of it totally, you would need to test every time, and that result would only be good 3 months or so and backwards. It is always going to be a moving target, you see. You could test at any interval that you wish, but you need to remember that it is only going to certainly reflect back a while, not the week previously or something like that.

4) Susan has always had a sensitive vagina, fairly easily getting UTIs, yeast infections, etc. Say I have sex with Heidi (using a condom) and don’t contract HSV-2, then the next day (showering in between) I have sex with Susan (without a condom). Is there any chance I could pass it on to her (e.g., I’m imagining the virus moving to me, laying dormant, then activating in her)?

I’m a little confused because you say in the scenario that you DON”T contract HSV 2. You can only pass to Susan what you already have yourself. Regardless of it’s activity in you, if you get it, it may behave differently in Susan – that is, even if you don’t have symptoms with acquisition, Susan might.

Please let me know if I’m answering your questions in the way you are asking them

You have two more posts to make.

Terri

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