September 27, 2015 at 10:56 am #9679
I was diagnosed by swab and blood test in February with HSV2. I have just begun a new relationship and I am just at a loss. I will be telling my partner this week and if he doesn’t run away screaming I want to be prepared to answer some questions he may have. At this point we have done nothing more than kiss. I do not know if he is HSV positive, we have not discussed this yet. Assuming he is not…is it safe for me to perform oral sex on him without transmitting the virus? Would it matter if I am having an outbreak?
Thank you for your time and your help.
September 28, 2015 at 9:16 am #9689
It is safe for you to give him oral sex if you have genital HSV 2, yes. It wouldn’t matter if you were having an outbreak, no.
Do you have something good for him to read? I think that is always helpful when disclosing this information – sending him home with something to read and waiting long enough in the relationship that he has some emotional investment in you to balance out the fear of acquiring herpes. And it is always a good idea to suggest that he be tested as 80% of those infected with HSV 2 don’t know they have it. There is a free herpes handbook on this website that you can print out or refer him to for good and accurate reading about herpes.
September 29, 2015 at 6:01 pm #9714
Thank you Terri.
Is it safe for him to give me oral sex or touch me? What if I am having an outbreak?
If he responds positively I will begin suppression therapy as that seems the best way, along with condoms to protect him.
I will print out the pamphlet you suggested and have that for him. Wish me luck…lol
Also can you have an outbreak with no sores? Sometimes I feel like something is going on but there is no obvious sign of it.
Thank you a million times over. This website and your work are such a wonderful resource in a sea of confusing sites you find on the internet.
September 29, 2015 at 8:54 pm #9727
If you are having an outbreak, I think I would advise against him giving you oral sex. Touching you seems safe as long as he has no breaks in the finger skin.
If I were in your position, I would probably start suppression now so you can tell him that you are doing everything you can to protect him, even now. That you started this in anticipation of your potential sexual relationship. But that’s just me.
You can shed virus with no sores, yes.
I do wish you the best of luck and if he says no and runs off, well, not everyone will, I promise you. And if he is scared and wants to take it slow, respect that for as long as he wants to take it slow. That is really OK. And try not to take this as an affront to your personhood – it is a response to the virus and its associated stigma, not to you personally. A fine line, I know.
- This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Terri Warren.
October 1, 2015 at 7:23 am #9777
My plan is to start suppression therapy now. How long does it take for it to “kick in”, is there a recommended drug (name brand vs. generic) and a recommended dosage? Are there any reasons not to do suppression therapy? I am in good health other than this.
I see many things on here about icg/ igm levels and such but truthfully I have just had my head in the sand about this whole circumstance. I realize now how much I need to educate myself and have purchased your book. I feel like I am at the point in our relationship where I must speak to my partner about this, so I’m in cramming mode…lol
When diagnosed, my obgyn just kind of brushed it off saying “you won’t get cancer from it and you won’t die from it, so that’s a good thing”. I was too stunned at the time to ask questions. This forum is a God send. Can’t thank you enough.
October 1, 2015 at 8:06 am #9781
There is no reason to not do suppression, no. 400 mg of acyclovir twice a days is as good as any of the other medicines. Valacyclovir needs to be taken only daily so some people prefer that but it does not work better and costs far less if you are paying cash.
Good for you for reading as much as you can. I will have my fingers crossed for you with your disclosure. Your partner is lucky to have someone who is so well informed, so caring and so honest.
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