May have exposed my partner to herpes?

[lmurph39]

Thank you in advance for answering my question. I’m really stressed out and feeling guilty. I’ve had herpes for 8 years. I’ve never been shy of having the talk with partners before. I recently started dating someone new and procrastinated having the talk until the last minute because I wasn’t sure if we were going to be a couple or not. We had been drinking and things started heating up, so I did put a stop to it and tell him that I had herpes. He asked a couple questions, but didn’t really process it. It didn’t help that we were both intoxicated. We had some contact, but no actual penetration, before realizing neither of us had a condom and stopped.

My concern is that I can’t really tell when I’m having outbreaks. I haven’t had actual sores in years, but.. maybe once or twice a year I will get a tingling sensation in my leg. Ever since that night, I’ve been experiencing mild itching and worried that I may be having a small outbreak. I don’t have any sores that I can see. I don’t know if I’m actually having an outbreak or if my guilt is getting to me. Today, he mentioned that he thought he was coming down with the flu, so I am freaking out thinking that I may have given it to him. Is it normal to just have flu-like symptoms without other symptoms of an outbreak, like sores?

[lmurph39]

Update – he is still pretty sick. As far as I know, still just flu-like symptoms. I’ve read that you can have flu-like symptoms 24-48 hours before an outbreak. I am convinced that I must have given it to him but he hasn’t said anything about it yet. What am I supposed to do in this situation? I feel so reckless and stupid.

[Terri Warren]

You are supposed to wait and see what happens with lesions in the genital are. How long ago was this contact? I think without penetration infection is really unlikely.
While it is better to tell someone and then wait a while to have intercourse, you did tell before you had contact. Would it have been better had everyone been sober? Maybe. But the point is that you did tell him. I would recommend that you stop beating yourself up about this. Lot’s of people get flu symptoms and don’t have herpes right?
Do you know if you have HSV 1 or HSV 2? Has your partner been tested for herpes?

Terri

[lmurph39]

I have HSV 2. As far as I know, he has not had any sores. Just a really bad flu for a couple days now. Contact was about 9 days ago. He has not been tested, but he has not had many sexual partners and has never had symptoms before.

[Terri Warren]

Most people who acquire HSV 2 from a partner develop genital symptoms within 2-10 with the average being 5.5 days. I think you are almost out of the woods!

Terri

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