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New to this subject – I'm negative & she's positive

› Forums › Herpes Questions › New to this subject – I'm negative & she's positive

  • This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 9 months ago by Terri Warren.
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    • September 25, 2015 at 6:49 pm #9663
      rwva2015
      Participant

      I am new to the world of genital herpes and appreciate your web site. I have a global question for you with several factors leading up to that. I am a 60 years old male, and have become fond of a woman of the same age. She has had genital herpes for 30 years. I currently do not have genital herpes (I have been tested). Our situation is further complicated by the fact that I had a prostatectomy and suffer from ED. Her MD told her that if she was to take her meds (not sure which ones) routinely rather than just for outbreaks, she would reduce her chance of outbreaks and possible transmission by 85%. She has already said her outbreaks have become very rare, as she has gotten older. And, she has found that she can sense when they are about to occur. My ED issues mean that to satisfy each other sexually, oral sex is a major part of the potential plan. On this front, I really appreciate her understanding. From reviewing your site, it appears that oral-vaginal sex may actually be less of a risk of transmission than penile-vaginal sex from my perspective. Is this the case? I was also concerned about the possibility of passing this along to others if I do acquire it, and have been told that casual contact including hugging and kissing would not be a means of transmission. Last major concern is that I had read elsewhere that if genital herpes is acquired, it puts one at greater risk of acquiring HIV if exposed. I really like this woman and would like to move forward. I am obviously a bit confused and concerned encountering this new situation. Neither one of us appears interested in ‘casual sex’ and the relationship would be exclusive on both sides. To me, the relationship is at a point where it makes sense to move forward and continue to see how compatible we are on all fronts – including sex. However, part of me is hesitant as we have both been through long-term relationships that did not work out. So from my perspective, I am trying to assess what my risks are as to catching the virus, and what complications that might bring to my life – whether we remain together or not – as we continue to explore the relationship. Lastly, I understand that in cases where one partner is HIV positive, it has now become commonplace for the uninfected partner to take anti-viral drugs prophylactically. Would this make sense with genital herpes as well? If so, which drugs are most effective in these situations? Thanks for your time, and thank you for all the work you are doing in this area.

    • September 26, 2015 at 7:46 am #9673
      Terri Warren
      Keymaster

      If she takes mediation daily, and no condoms are used (difficult with ED), the risk of you acquiring HSV 2 from her, having sex twice per week for a year with no outbreaks, is 2% per year. This means if there were 100 uninfected men having sex one on one with 100 HSV 2 infected women, two men in a year would get herpes. That’s pretty damn small, in my mind. Do you know if she has HSV 1 orally and do you know if you do? Has either of you have a cold sore on your mouth? If she gives you oral sex, and does not have HSV 1 orally, then you are not at risk of her HSV 2 genital infection. Her risk of transmission is also considerably reduced because she has been infected for so long. The risk is not zero, but it is reduced, given the duration of her infection.

      No, it would not help for you to take the medication.

      Terri

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