Sacral herpes

[sarayagirl]

Hi Terri,
I’ve been going to a dermatologist every 6 months for many years to have body checks for moles. During one of my visits she noticed a scab at the top of my butt cheek and did a culture and it turned out to be HSV2. She asked how long I had it and if it ever bothered me and I told her it would come and go for the past year and I never felt any discomfort of any kind. I never even gave it a second thought. But ever since she scraped the area for the culture I blister in that area and it’s really itchy and sensitive and I’m upset because it was never like that before. Is that unusual? The man I was with at the time was my only sexual partner and he tested positive after I let him know. I ended our relationship of 15 years about 2 years ago and I turn down everyone who asks me for a date because I’m so embarrassed and depressed.

[Terri Warren]

Outbreaks on the buttocks are very common particularly in the area that you describe. Even though you don’t like the news, I think it is better that you know that you have herpes than if you did not know. Now that you know, there are things that you can do to reduce the risk of transmission – taking daily antiviral medicine, being aware of any outbreaks that are happening, avoiding sex with outbreaks, making partners aware of your situation, asking them to be tested to see if they might be infected and not know it (like you), having your partners use condoms.

It’s too bad that you have decided not to date because of herpes but I do understand that it can be difficult to disclose this information to others. But I hope you will start taking more chances Life is short and we likely don’t get another shot at this. There is richness to be had out there and I hope you will continue to work on getting past this and giving people a chance to love you and appreciate the many good things that you can bring to a relationship.

Terri

[sarayagirl]

This diagnosis was about 5 years ago and neither one of our doctors put us on any medication and I’m assuming it’s because we were still in a relationship with each other at that time. With that being said should I talk to my doctor about taking medication? I sometimes go months without a breakout and then there are times when I get them each month right around my period. As far as relationships go, I guess my biggest problem is wondering if I should just bring it up right away or wait and see how things go and then bring it up. A big part of me feels like if I wait after a few dates to bring it up I’m being misleading somehow. I really want to talk to a friend because it’s eating me up but I don’t know how. Plus you hear people make offhand comments about herpes which makes me clam up even more. The only people who know are my doctor and my ex boyfriend. Thank you for your response so far, it’s been helpful.

[sarayagirl]

Not that it matters at this point but I am trying to figure out when he could have infected me. We have 2 children together, 12 and 14, so when I was pregnant they screen for STD’s if I remember correctly so would HSV2 have been included? My blood tests came back normal so if he was infected at the start of our relationship without knowing and with no symptoms I most likely would have been infected since we were having unprotected sex correct? We did get checked for STD’s prior to getting intimate but apparently herpes isn’t normally checked. The outbreaks and diagnosis happened about 10 years into our relationship and he said he was faithful but did admit to cheating when I broke things off and the cheating happened right around the 10 year mark. I guess I’m wondering if I was exposed early on would it take that long to present itself? Thank you again.

[Terri Warren]

I’m afraid there is just no way to know for certain when you got infected or who infected you. But some couples can be together for 20 years and never transmit and then BANG they transmit. So anything is possible.

I think you should tell someone before you have sex, obviously, but not until you get to know each other better and they have some investment in you and have become enough attached that they can see not just the herpes but more of you.

Terri

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