Transmission risk and returning to sex with partner

[sosobeetle73]

I am a 33-year-old male, married. For reasons that are still very unclear to me, I had sex with a CSW on November 21/22. After a moment of unprotected oral sex, (literally, just a moment), we had protected oral sex and protected vaginal sex. The condom rolled down a bit during sex, but most of my penis (including the opening and head) remained covered during the encounter. The CSW did not have any noticeable sores on her mouth or vagina (though, as is common, I was not playing very close attention to this), and when I asked her afterwards if she had any STDs, she definitely said she was negative. I have been anxiously assessing my risk for resultant STIs. Regarding HSV1 and HSV2, I was initially comforted by STI experts like HHH and Wood who assured others with very similar experiences/conditions to mine that the risk of contracting herpes was very low; in fact, low enough that testing was not necessary and that I could resume a monogamous sexual relationship with my partner without fear of transmitting herpes to her.
After further review, however, I am confused about an apparent incongruity between many expert’s claims that herpes transmission is “very unlikely” (under the conditions in which transmission could have occurred in my encounter) and the sheer numbers of those infected by HSV1 and HSV2 (coupled that it can be transmitted both during an outbreak and during shedding). If herpes is in fact prevalent, then why would experts suggest that its “very unlikely” that I contracted HSV1 or HSV2 during this sexual encounter? Why would they suggest that it’s okay to resume unprotected with my wife without fear of infecting her? I know that the best way to know if I am infected is to get tested. I intend to do so tomorrow. But I know that there will be no conclusive test until 12 weeks. But to be honest, the idea of remaining unsure about my status and whether or not I will infect my partner for another 10.5 weeks breaks me. I am hoping you can provide some solace.

[sosobeetle73]

Terry, I have not hear from you yet. I just want to make sure you can see my question. I’m anxious to get your assessment, and it has been almost 48 hours.

[Terri Warren]

It’s so odd, I posted a response to this question and it isn’t showing up. I’m posting from Mexico so that may be the issue.
I think the reason experts are telling you this is unlikely to be risky are because 1) you describe the contact as very brief – you said just a moment. Usually it takes more contact than that to become infected. 2) the kind of herpes you would get from this encounter of oral sex is HSV 1 and the majority of the population already has HSV 1, including perhaps you? 3) it was a single encounter- the likelihood that she would be shedding either oral or genital virus on the one day you have sex is low 4) you used a condom. Though this is certainly not perfect, it is very helpful in reducing the transmission of HSV 2. 5) you’ve had no lesions, correct? 6) she said she was negative. Now honestly, that’s the weakest link in all of this because who knows if she is telling the truth or if she had actually been tested for herpes or not.
I think all of these factors lead experts, including myself, to suggest that acquiring herpes in this situation is unlikely. I am not willing to say with 100% certainty but I do think is very unlikely. Only you can decide how much certainty you need to resume having sex with your wife. Are you comfortable with 5% risk, 1% risk? We also can’t give you an exact percentage of risk here. I know it is very frustrating for you to have to live with this ambiguity but it’s kind of an age old dilemma, you know?

Please let me know if I can answer other questions for you.

Terri

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