Viral Shedding Question

[KRGus]

Hi Terri,
I’m not sure where my original thread is anymore and I believe I had one more question left on the thread. Anyway, I disclosed to someone on Sunday whom I had a few dates with and began to like. He seemed okay with the news but yesterday after I told him and gave him several links to read and look at including one to the updated herpes handbook he was honest and said it was something he felt he couldn’t deal with due to the viral shedding of this condition. He’s said he’s scared now even to kiss me now which I told him that is why I’m on meds and you take all the precautions necessary. There is still risk but the chances of transmission are dramatically lessoned and he would have greater chance of getting it from someone else than by me. I even told him about this forum where he could ask questions or even call UW virology to speak with a clinician. I also told him all about how he should be tested as well and the chances of him having it etc. In addition, I told him that I’m not going to sit here and talk him into dating me but that he has to want that in his heart. I respect his decision but its still hard none the less and I know he’s rejecting the herpes not me. My question or questions are as said in the handbook asymptomatic shedding occurs more frequently in the first year of having herpes than subsequently. Is there data on how much it (viral shedding) occurs in the subsequent years after? I was diagnosed in 2007 with genital HSV2 and I believe I’ve had oral HSV-1 all along but never had an outbreak till 2013 and wasn’t officially diagnosed until then. I am also on suppressive therapy which I told him lessons viral shedding by 70% and reduces transmission actual transmission by 48%, for HSV-2 and even though there isn’t data on HSV1 you had thought it be similar? (Let me know if those numbers aren’t correct) I also gave him the rates of viral shedding in the handbook as well which he had read but he’s just uncomfortable which is his prerogative however I guess for my own mind and sanity when or if this happens in the future again I want to make sure the knowledge I have about this when disclosing is correct that way I feel that much more confident about it and maybe less hurt if rejection should happen. Thank you for your continued help.

• This topic was modified 7 years ago by KRGus.

[Terri Warren]

Your knowledge is excellent and right on. I’m so sorry this happened to you but now maybe that is out of the way and the next time will go better. It would be nice if he tested to see what his status is though. But you can’t make him engage, you are correct. Sigh.

Terri

[KRGus]

Thank you, Terri. I appreciate your words and knowing that I presented the facts accurately. Its very frustrating and sad. Yes, it is a big sigh of disappointment. When he said he was afraid to kiss me now I didn’t think at the time but this morning I thought well then he should be afraid to kiss everyone then. I too wish he would test but yes you can’t engage someone who is scared and isn’t open to it. He said he’s also a cautious person yet doesn’t think that he has a greater chance of getting this or any other STD apparently from someone else. I am wondering though if there is any data on how often shedding occurs while on meds? It looks like in the handbook those are the percentages of time without meds? Thanks so much, let me know if I need to pay again.

• This reply was modified 7 years ago by KRGus.

[Terri Warren]

You’re correct – if he is afraid to kiss you, he should be afraid of kissing anyone since the majority of the population has HSV 1. At least you know it and can be aware of potential symptoms! Medicine reduces viral shedding by about 50-70% – some studies show higher, some lower.

You have one question left on this subscription.

Terri

[KRGus]

Thank you, Terri. What are the chances of someone getting HSV-1 through kissing? Is it relatively slim or is it much like HSV2 and your findings with that. I realize there isn’t much if any data on HSV-1 so I realize there aren’t or may not be numbers but I’m wondering from your perspective. Thanks again for all your help! Its frustrating and sad going through rejection because of this but thank goodness for outlets like this and others as well.

[Terri Warren]

I honestly have no idea what the chances of acquiring HSV 1 through kissing are. We just have zero data. I would say if you have a cold sore, the risk if high. If you don’t, the risk is probably lower, and if you are on daily meds, lower still. but I can’t quantify this for you.

You seem like a smart, reasonable person. Keep hanging in there and continuing to take the risk of rejection, even though it can be so hard, I know. You will eventually find someone wonderful who will accept you just as you are and then hopefully will be fortunate enough for you to accept them too, warts and all (so to speak). Don’t forget that we all bring “stuff” to relationships. Yours is more immediately clear but they do too.

Terri

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