I’m sorry this has been a rough time for you. You are absolutely right – this is no where near the end of the world.
So the first thing that needs to happen here is an IgG HSV 1 and 2 antibody test. If his provider won’t do it, since he either doesn’t know about proper testing or just won’t do it, then he can get that testing done online by ordering it himself. See the reference above for the specific test.
So there are a couple of possibilities here. First, if he has oral HSV 1, whether he has symptoms or not, he can transmit the virus to you by giving you oral sex. Second, you could have had HSV 1 for years and did’t know it. It recurs very infrequently for most people, so another outbreak could have been many years ago. Third, he could have genital HSV 1 infection and transmitted it to you through intercourse, though that doesn’t happen too often. It does happen.
If he was not the giver of oral sex to you, you can eliminate the first option. That leaves two and three. When you were first diagnosed, I know you had a swab test but did you also have an IgG antibody test? If you did, and it was negative, this means it was your first infection. If not antibody testing was done right away, you cannot ever know if this was a new infection or an old infection. If your partner does get tested and he is HSV 1 negative, then you can know you didn’t get it from him and he is vulnerable to your HSV 1 infection. Although I will say that the traditional test misses about 1 of 10 infections. If he is positive, then either he infected you or you already had it already and can either know that based on an antibody test or can never know if an antibody test was not done. Whew! That is all very complicated I think.
Anyway hope you understand all of that but feel free to ask me questions.
After your answers I’ll answer the rest of your questions.
Terri