So the odds of getting genital herpes at a single encounter are extremely small. They are not zero. However, your symptoms that persist and persist do not sound anything at all like herpes to me. It is unfortunate, in my view, that you did not obtain a baseline herpes antibody test because now, if you do test and you are positive, you cannot know if you’ve been infected for years or just got infected at this encounter.
Did you have other sexual partners before you married your wife? If yes, then you could have been infected for years or she could have been infected for years (if she had other partners before you.)
Whether you test at this point is your call. Only 5% of people test in the low positive range when they test for herpes so you are likely to have a clear result but I wonder if you will be able to relax about this without testing. What do you think?
Terri