I do have words of wisdom!
I’ve been where you are. If you are fortunate enough to find a great guy, herpes or not, and you feel that the relationship has real potential, I say go for it. Let’s face it – we all bring some negatives to relationships. His is herpes, I’m sure you have some too. In the big picture, things like sex and money and inlaws and children and work problems are far bigger problems than herpes possibly could be. Herpes is a minor medical problem though a bigger social and psychological one. Some people even feel that having herpes help them sort out the wheat from the chaff when it comes to partners who will stick by you through tough times. That is not to say you should rush into this. Taking your time and getting to know each other is important for many reasons.
When condoms and daily antiviral therapy are both used, the risk of transmission from men to women, having sex an average of twice per week, is about 2-3% per year. That is, if there were 100 couples in the same situation, 2-3 women would become infected in a year. viral shedding does not occur through semen and blood, normally, but rather skin to skin.
When it comes right down to it, the question is would you rather be with him and risk getting herpes or not be with him. It may be way to early to know the answer for you and that’s OK. Remember that herpes is only one of his qualities so try to balance the whole picture. All in all in my relationships over the years, I’ve had sex for a total of 18 years with men who have had herpes and never acquired herpes. The men involved took daily suppressive therapy and no condoms were used (well, maybe the first week or so). And I know a lot about herpes and was very willing to take the risk.
You’ve got one more question to ask.
Terri