1. You are absolutely zero risk from the spooning incident
2. No, if the person is shedding, the virus would not be transferred to their fingers then to the surface of someone else’s skin. The virus is not hardy like that and it takes many more copies of virus to infect someone else then would be transmitted in that setting.
3. No, herpes is not transmitted via a inanimate objects like doorknobs or ATM machines.
Clearly, you have a lot of anxiety about acquiring a sexually transmitted infection. I suspect some of your anxiety is rooted in some level of discomfort with sexuality in general for the expression of your own sexuality. This is something that you might wish to examine with a professional so that in a future, at some point, you could have a rewarding an expansive sexual relationship with someone you care about.