Well, first, we don’t know that he has herpes at all, do we? Next, if he has HSV 1, he could have acquired it as a child. The test you are using misses 1-2 out of 10 infections, so it also could have missed it when you tested before you got married. Or the test before you got married may not have included herpes test, most often STD screens do not include herpes. Maybe he should get a herpes western blot to be really certain and also you should.
In my mind, whatever trust issues you are having may indeed be separate from this herpes issue. I don’t think you’ve got anything conclusive here about herpes to base anything upon. Really.
If he is infected, yes, he could have sex with you for years and no infect you. Am I missed where you describe for me your test results?