I think you should see a cognitive behavioral therapist. They can work on this with you.
And I think you are confused about when you are infectious. Yes, a passionate kiss could transmit this to your husband and he may be infected and not know it or the IgG test could have missed it. But in terms of your children, the kind of kiss we give our children does NOT transmit virus to them. The lips are no mucous membranes and thus the virus is not given off from lips when you have no sores present. So kissing your kids on the check is always OK. I fear this worry you have about HSV 1 is going to have much deeper consequences than a cold sore from time to time if you can’t change this behavior. Please stop washing your baby’s hands when he touches your lips – when you have no cold sore, this is not an issue. The other thing to think about is if you prevent your children from getting cold sores, they are then vulnerable to acquiring HSV 1 genitally if someone gives them oral sex (someone who is infected with HSV 1) when they become sexually active. We are seeing that so often now! Think about and please – seek help.