We are only concerned about the possibility of autoinoculation during the first couple months of having herpes. After that, your immune system will very likely prevent you from getting infected at a new location on your body, so I would definitely take that off your worry list.
As for your partner of 20 years: If your partner has not yet acquired this from you, it is quite unlikely that they will. Partners of people who have herpes who are not themselves infected often develop a kind of protective recognition in their immune system. So the longer a couple who is discordant stays together and don’t both become infected, the less likely that is to happen.
I hope this is helpful!