It has not been my experience as a clinician that stopping birth control pills has resulted in changing outbreak patterns but I too have hear that, though I have not actually seen it.
In terms of transmission – if you are on Valtrex, you avoid sex during outbreaks (which you aren’t having), use condoms irregularly and have sex about twice a week, the risk of him getting HSV 2 from you is about a 2% chance per year – that is, if 100 uninfected men had sex one on one with 100 infected women with the above circumstances, about 2 men in 100 would become infected. If you double the amount of sex per week, then it is about 4 men.
I would encourage you both to continue to talk about this. Many discordant couples stay that way for years and do not transmit and have terrific lives.
New treatment vaccines are in clinical trials now – these may end up being useful for prevention as well. I would expect perhaps 5 years before release of those treatment vaccines.
What was your index value on your antibody test?
Terri