I applaud you for taking such a thoughtful approach to this situation. And, BTW, you get three posts, not just three questions within a post.
You are correct HSV 1 is quite a benign condition for the vast majority of people who have it. By the time someone has been infected for two years, they average about 4 days of shedding out of 365 days.
A person who has oral HSV 1, in the form of cold sores or ever having had a cold sore, sheds far more often – and that’s about 50% of the population.
I would ask – have you ever in your life had a cold sore on your lip or in your nose or ever tested positive for HSV 1 – or even been tested for HSV 1? If you have HSV 1 already, the likelihood that you would ever get it genitally is close to zero.
The same applies to her – if she has it genitally she will likely never get it orally. And thus there is no risk of her giving you oral sex.
I have yet to see a case of genital to genital transmission of HSV 1 but it has been documented in the literature.
Terri