Since I have not had an outbreak what are the genital to genital transmission rates (female to male) with no symptoms at this point?
Extremely low. I’ve never seen it happen and I think the same of my colleagues.
What are the transmission rates if I perform oral sex on a male?
If your infection is only genital, there is no risk to a partner to whom you give oral sex.
What are the chances of someone getting oral hsv1 from me if they perform oral sex on me?
Very low, because after someone has been infected for two years with HSV 1 genitally, they shed virus on only about 4 days out of an entire year.
Is it worth it to take anti-virals as assurance to partners?
If you have a partner who is really worried about transmission, you could do that. It’s not clear if that has any real benefit.
My understanding is that transmission rates are low, so is disclosure necessary (I feel bad asking) but it’s on my mind.
I think disclosure in a meaningful relationship is important. If you have a casual contact, be sure they use condoms and I’m not clear that disclosure is absolutely necessary. If someone asks if you have an STI, you would certainly need to disclose.
Finally, any tips for having this conversation to not scare potential partners?
You can say that you have the cold sore virus to start the conversation. then go into more detail as you move more into the relationship. If someone asks more, you should share the location of the virus in your body (genital)